Are you Saying What You Need to Say?
Are you saying what you need to say? Or is caution or shyness preventing you from speaking up? Maybe you find yourself thinking of the right thing to say a few hours after the fact or maybe kicking yourself for not saying anything for fear you may hurt someone’s feelings, or kicking yourself for blurting out something stupid or untimely. The most crucial point here, is that when you fear speaking up, you don’t say what you need to say and this always leads to complications.
My client Mary, newly promoted, came to me because she was getting into trouble for not getting work done. She wanted to know if there was something wrongthat was affecting her abilit. As she recounted her story, and I looked at her human design chart, it was obvious what was going on.
Mary is wired to say yes. Not only that, as it turned out, she also loves everybody to be happy and hates to rock the boat. o she spen a lot of her day helping her colleagues get their work done y the time she got to her desk, she time her own.
It was only when her boss called her in and said she wasn’t performing that she had to pay attention.
Mary was delighted to find out there was nothing wrong. she was anxious to make an impression with her new colleaguesshe lost the balance of leading getting her own work done. Her nervousness about was causing her to say yes to everyone except for herself.
I was able to teach Mary her decision strategy so she could better discern when she needs to say yes to others and when she needs to say yes to herself. This is a way of adapting her natural communication style so that she can identify when to help others or empower them so that she can get her own work done as well.
Does this sound familiar?
The truth is, we each have a unique way of communicating and most of the time, when I meet a client who struggles to speak up at work or in a relationship, it is because they learnt to express themselves in a way that isn’t natural for them. The nervousness around saying what they need to say has caused fear of public speaking, or fear to ask for their needs in a relationship or miss that promotion as they let someone else get the credit for their work.
Here’s another example. While Mary, in balance, is the perfect diplomat; Denise, on the other hand is designed to get to the point and tell it as it is. But, as a kid, every time she did this she was met with “You shouldn’t say that” or “don’t be so rude” or “you could have said this other way”. Denise became confused and before long it was easier to not speak up rather than be that every word out of her mouth was wrong. The more she tried follow
This didn’t become a problem until she started her own business and needed to do talks and FB lives to attract clients. She struggled for hours trying to decide what “the right thing” to say was and got very nervous speaking in front of a group. In the end she came to me. Struggling with what to say and the “right” way of saying it was causing a lot of stress and was hurting her business.
When I looked at her design, I didn’t see anything at first. But when I looked at her parents design, their style of communication was very different to Denise. They tried to teach her how to communicate in their way and of course this stifled Mary’s natural style. Over the next few months, Denise stopped trying to “say it right” and developed her own style of communicating. She felt much more comfortable and applied to do presentations again. Her more natural style was naturally more magnetic and her client numbers increased. Needless to say, Denise was delighted with her results.
I use human design as a personality assessment tool with my clients but in truth it is so much more than that. It’s my secret sauce to help women overcome any unnecessary anxiety that comes with trying to operate in a way that they learnt – to learn instead how they are wired to work naturally. There is something magical about finding out there is nothing wrong and how to set it straight again. My clients discover their natural style of communication, marketing, reliable decision making and so much more.
If you have a business and you’re more stressed about it than enjoying it, I invite you to consider working with me. Contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org